“The world is so full of a number of things,
I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.”

Robert Louis Stevenson captures the essence of childhood in this short verse. With a keen awareness of their environment, including an eye for detail, many children take in what adults often tune out. Once struck by the joy, they are self-motivated to discover more.
Now that the winter is bowing out to fairer weather, perhaps we can join in our children’s discoveries in welcoming spring. Here are some activities which promote springtime observation for the little ones in the family.
Bring in early shoots of pussy willow, forsythia, or other flowering fruit trees to open in the house. See if your youngster can discover what makes the shoots open indoors faster than if they stayed outdoors. This can lead on to other questions such as what do plants need besides warm temperatures?
Take frequent walks, whether in the woods, a park, or just around the block, to observe the subtle changes in nature. What plants and trees are among the first to bloom in spring? As the new leaves appear, learn to identify the telltale shape of the maple, oak, willow, sweet gum, etc. (depending on your location). If you find a cut tree stump, your child can discover how many years old the tree was when it was cut down by counting the circular rings on it. [Read more…] about Children’s Springtime of Discovery

“Ann, get your sweater and come along now,” a mother called across the playground. No response. So the statement was repeated in a louder voice, and this time her daughter responded.

“Why do I always have to say things twice?” the mother wondered out loud to a friend.

“Don’t feel bad. I have to say things seven times before my children listen,” the other mother laughed.

We often think of a toddler who follows directions as “obedient,” a student who follows directions as having “good work habits,” and a business person as “dependable.” Intelligence and cooperation are often closely associated with those who can follow directions. Individually and in a group, we all need to have this attribute.

Sometimes children learn to follow directions after receiving school papers with those glaring red marks and comments. Some children never learn and continue through life with “red markings” on their work.

A second-grade teacher recently said, “One of my biggest problems is that students don’t follow the directions even when they’ve read them. And my colleagues teaching the upper grades say the same thing.”

Here are four reasons why children don’t follow directions:

Preoccupation. Have you ever had someone ask you a question when you’re in the middle of a deep thought or gripping book? You probably didn’t hear it. Yet many times we think our children can’t follow directions when they really didn’t hear us. Their “deep thoughts” might be make-believe, and the “gripping book” a game or friend, but they’re just as intense.

A warning that playtime will end or the table must be set in 10 minutes gives children a chance to wind down their activity. Then they may be ready to give you their full attention. Saying “Look at me,” ‘Be still,” and “Listen carefully, please” can help focus attention on the words to follow.

Over-verbalization. If parents are broadcasting directions all day, children soon tune them out. Sift through the daily needs and ask only what must be done. Quality and quantity come into play here. Is the quality of our voice cheerful and encouraging, or cross and demanding? And are we asking more than a child is capable of remembering, understanding, or doing? When one thing is accomplished, then more can gradually be added.

Failure to analyze. Sometimes every question on a school test may be answered correctly, but the paper is marked wrong because, “You didn’t follow directions.” We shouldn’t underline when we’re directed to circle the answer. Sometimes it’s a process of decoding directions that are poorly written, and finding the key words will help. Have children look at a recipe and find out if they should stir, chop, or blend. The key words in any directions zero in on how to proceed.

Laziness. Today’s Internet and multimedia age dazzles and distracts many children. They’re accustomed to being entertained. If they’re passive spectators, it becomes harder to stir them to be active participants. Activities that include following instructions can help. Some of these include board games, cooking, and crafts.

And if you are successful in building a foundation in following directions, you might not have to say things twice anymore!

Do you hear groans coming from some parents about the tasks and responsibilities of parenting today? What can be done when parental joy seems lacking? A complaining attitude and conversation can spoil the fabric of family happiness.

John P. Blessington, former director of education relations for CBS Television, thinks negative attitudes should be examined and smoked out if parents are going to act as contributors, not inhibitors, to family happiness.

At a conference for parents, educators, classroom teachers, and daycare specialists, he addressed this topic and elaborated on “The Joys of Parenting – a Nondrug Approach.”

As an educator and father, Mr. Blessington observed some common obstacles to family harmony. He said, “There’s something very wrong with giving children everything, then complaining how spoiled they are.” What we often are not giving them, though, is the feeling of self-worth. This quality is promoted by teaching children how to care for themselves and their home. These were integral lessons for our fore-fathers, taught at home through wood chopping, butter churning, and other survival skills.

Another complaint from parents, Mr. Blessington pointed out, is that “my children just won’t help at home.” He examined a few reasons this is so. Excessive homework assignments and after-school lessons or clubs often rob children of their free time to do and contribute at home. Joy is restricted if children are enrolled in music lessons, soccer, ballet, etc., because of a parent’s interest or ambition, and not their own. “We should slow down our pace and be a quiet leader for happiness,” he recommended. [Read more…] about Fostering joy within the family

Years ago, while studiously taking notes during a social studies class, the boy next to me suddenly crashed to the floor after falling asleep. I’ll never know whether it was the warm afternoon combined with the teacher’s lulling voice or lack of rest the previous night that sent him sprawling. Parents and teachers know how essential it is for students not to be handicapped by fatigue; yet, for numerous reasons, the bedtime hour often becomes progressively later.

If you have little night owls who seem to come alive after dark, then you’ve probably tried setting rules, reasoning, night lights, stuffed animals, and warm flannel sleepers. That’s a good start. But one of the surest ways to smooth the transition from the family circle to a dark bedroom is to include the traditional bedtime story. Somewhere between brushing teeth and saying prayers, many busy parents make time for literary companionship, which calms and prepares a child for a good night’s sleep.

Oral storytelling is the oldest form of communicating tales, and it thrives today. A father of two finds his children run and jump into bed if he promises to tell his version of the “Lone Ranger.” A grandfather said to me recently, “I wish I had written down all the stories I made up for my children.” That time together had provided warm memories later as well as pleasant passage into dreamland at the time.

Another father chooses to sing his tales with guitar accompaniment. This proved to be a success with his nine-month-old son. In fact, when they flew to another city to visit relatives, grandmother had to rent a guitar for bedtime continuity. Singing a soft lullaby delights children, even if parents don’t have a guitar or sing in key.

For most parents, the classic bedtime storybook sets the quiet, peaceful mood at day’s end. These books, designed especially for young children, are short enough to be finished before lights out, hold interest with appealing illustrations, and have a happy ending. A children’s librarian can help select the stories children love to hear again and again. Here are some of the old favorites to add to a parent’s list of favorites.

 

“Goodnight Moon,” by Margaret Wise Brown.

“Dreams,” by Ezra Jack Keats.

“Bedtime for Frances,” by Russell Hoban.

“The Cat at Night,” by Dahlov Ipcar.

 

These books are not guaranteed to put a child to sleep. And most likely they will initiate a sharing of personal impressions and experiences. But if parent and child enjoy some style of a story together, fewer bedtime battles will delay a good night’s rest. And that means less danger of falling asleep the next day in school, or anywhere else!

Everyone, including children, needs appreciation. Yet there are growing signs that, instead of being appreciated, many children are being neglected, bullied, or even worse.

Child abuse touches every area, race, and economic level with the number of reported cases skyrocketing.

These are national problems that point out the importance of being highly appreciative of children. What does this require of parents? Some of the key elements are understanding children, spending time with them on activities you both enjoy, listening carefully to what they say, and recognizing their deeds with simple verbal appreciation.

Recently a mother of two young children realized how much she valued her children. She had been bothered for months by a difficult family problem. Despite her strong desire to remain calm, one afternoon she found herself yelling at and scolding the children. Suddenly she felt a small pair of arms around her waist as her daughter quietly said, “It’s all right, mommy. I love you. Remember to save your best behavior for home!” Then they both laughed, and the mother told her seven-year-old how much she appreciated the loving encouragement.

This mother’s appreciation was not abstract or kept to herself, but was expressed in a concrete way that her child could understand. If her response had been less than encouraging, the child may have held back from helping her mother or someone else in future situations. Obviously children will want to repeat what brought them appreciation from their parents.

How often do we stop to thank our children for something they have said or done? Perhaps it may be as significant as defusing an explosive atmosphere, yet aren’t there many ways we can appreciate children every day if we don’t focus on criticizing their mistakes, messiness, manners, etc.? [Read more…] about Responding To the Power of Appreciation

Answering children’s questions can be a challenging proposition. Sometimes we’re surprised at the insight or frankness of a child’s inquiry and then launch into an unnecessary long explanation.

Other times, we feel so bombarded by when, what, why and where that we’d welcome a vacation from “20 Questions.”

As long as there are children eager to learn about their surroundings, there’ll be questions. One way to make the most of their inquisitive times is to sharpen our listening skills. What are they really asking? This basic ingredient of all communication – listening – helps us to give more specific and helpful responses.

Usually children are asking for one of three types of answers. Our listening ability will determine which type to offer.

“I want the facts” is the direct type of request perhaps most common of youngsters. Questions about the environment, machines, animals, holidays, and space are topics we tackle from the preschool years on. All these are likely to stump a parent once in a while, unless you’re a walking encyclopedia. But being well read and up-to-date on our ever-changing world will arm us, along with the reference books or computer search for the tougher questions.

Looking answers up together is a good way to show that answering our own questions can be an on-going everyday adventure. High interest books from the library encourage individual investigation.

Listening carefully and sometimes asking, “Is this what you mean…?” helps us to identify exactly what facts children are seeking. For instance there’s the time a son asked, “Mom, where did I come from?” so the mom carefully explained the facts of reproduction. Then the son replied, “Oh, Billy came from Massachusetts!”

Then there are the young philosophical types of questions, which involve more reflection than clarification. “Why do crickets sing at night?” or “Why do we need the color black?” are typical questions which are often just a desire by children to test out their own explanations and reasons for a puzzle at hand.

Why not turn the questions back to them? One young boy came up with these theories: “Crickets sing at night because people aren’t around to kill them” and “We need black for the sky at night.”

Letting children answer their own questions promotes more reflective thinking and logical reasoning.

The third type of question is the hidden one. It can be the hardest to answer because it’s a cover-up for something deeper. We might have a reply for their immediate question, but often further discussion will expose another concern or challenge. “Do I have to go to school?” or “Are you sorry that you grew up?” would suggest to listening parents that there might be more.

Exploring answers and solutions to the more serious concerns of children can bring comfort and closeness to the family unit. They may not be instant solutions, but active listening will help to get the real questions out into the arena of discussion.

Above all show children that you hear their questions by saying that you understand what they are asking and by working at providing a good answer. This is the best way to invite more questions and promote a child-parent interchange through the years.